Same day...same backwards tihs

My days are passing fast. People don’t understand. They never could and now I know they never will. My body simply reacts. It’s tired of taking the brunt. I go to sleep with the world laying across my chest. Why is that? I don’t really know.

I feel empty sometimes.
As if I’m living just to live.
Years ago, I felt my life had changed but it hadn’t. Every year I seem to have a new breathrough that doesn’t manifest. Why am I doing it all? Am I really destined to be just
Samsa? Am I going through a phase? Is this an existential moment?

No one can really say. I can’t be negative because I’ll be tempting fate. So am I to be positive? I feel like everything in my life is a test these days. There is no fight in me.
If I were a drug user this would be my time. I understand them. Sometimes you just want it all to fade for a while. To just float and drift. Not think not talk.

Be an island.

Sometimes I think I am alone but I’m not. The voices don’t let me be. I beg god for forgiveness because I am lucky to have those voices. The demands are just too high.